A Short Story - Annoying Facebook Status Updates (MUST READ)

What’s on your mind?

hEy gUySSS HwrUUUU tDay ??
See how annoying that is? If there’s anything worse than Glassdoor and Batman display pictures, it’s our status updates. Facebook statuses nowadays sound like how people would when they’re kidnapped. Mommy-They-Mommy-Help-Mommy!   
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Statuses these days also are a beat-up version of the ‘It happened to me’ section of the Tinkle magazine. Tinkle was one of the many memories I grew up with, and I enjoyed reading the particular section too. I loved reading about the adventures of funny instances that kids faced. FB statues reinforced that love. Except that we’re growing backwards. FB is like Tinkle’s evil twin. For example, an article on ‘It happened to me’ was something like-

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“A very startling incident occurred to me the other day. While I was walking home from school, I saw a huge snake in a ditch nearby. Although I’m very brave, Snakes are some of the few things I’m scared of. I closed my eyes and made a run for it.”
Whereas the same thing on Facebook would be, “Saw a snack 2day. lmao.” As hilarious as it is, it’s devastating. So, to help you save yourselves from the clutches of the evil twin, I’ve compiled a bunch of strict DON’Ts for your status updates. After all, A friend with good FB feed, is a friend indeed.”

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1) The – Too much of anything isn’t good, and the ‘:P’ is no Chemical ‘X’ in that matter. The ‘:P’ either implies a hidden meaning or an empty head. It’s the ‘yadayada’ of social networking. So unless you’re drunk or have a really long tongue, don’t use it often.

2) “You didn’t have to stoop so low, have your friends… …..Now you’re just somebody I used to know.” Believe it or not, I knew the lyrics to this song before I even heard it. And only because a bunch of people took the- “What’s on your mind” a little too seriously.
someone i used to know
Unless you’re a loop tape I subscribed to for some reason, don’t post the same lyrics over and over again.

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3) The KFC: The ‘K’ for ‘C’. People have already had enough of K’s on television programmes and Karan Johar films. So do the world a favor and don’t substitute ‘C’ for a ‘K’. K? Kool. Oops. Cool.


4) #Hash #Hazard: #On #Twitter, #the #hash #tag #is #used #to #categorize #tweets #and #subjects #and #somehow #caught #trend #on #Facebook. #Be #the #first #of #your #friends #to #realize #that. #BandhKaroYehAtyachaar (P.T.O.)
twitter hash tags

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5) The Apostrophe Catastrophe: A puppy in pain and a misused apostrophe are the last things anyone wants to see. People who misuse the apostrophe, deserve a Punch-uation. If you’re one of them, Go Google now! – After all this torture Facebook has been through, it still musters the courage to ask us- “What’s on your mind?” The time is not far when Facebook replies with “I’m sorry I asked” when we answer the “What’s on your mind” with our colorful crap.
Sincerely,
IQ.

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